I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
