im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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