I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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