really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
