I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
