i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
