I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
