Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
