The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
