Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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