Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
