i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
