Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
