dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
