Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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