Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I want to fling myself into the sun
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
