I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
