This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
