apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
