We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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