I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
