I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
