man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
