I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
