just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
