I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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