I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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