I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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