Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
