Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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