I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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