He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
