Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
