I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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