I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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