I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
