Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
