this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
