I need help removing her.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
