3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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