She said her name was "party"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
