I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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