I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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