i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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