The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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