We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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