Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
