i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
