i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
