At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
