easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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