No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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