I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
