I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
