please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
