How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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