shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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