so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
