I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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