Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize