It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
