So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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