I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My legs feel like baby dolphins
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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