well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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